Staying Out of the Hole

Cocoons Can be Comfy

Surgery successful. 🙂 Figuring out mobility and stimulation for a frightened girl on the spectrum much tougher. This is a mish-mash of my thoughts in connection.

Too tired to articulate much.

Feel like my life has been

More or less sucked

Down a long, narrow hole.

Scrambling to stay up,

Dirt breaking beneath my

Flailing feet,

Snatching desperately at pieces of

Routine to buoy me,

Only to have them snap off in my hand

Like flimsy blades of grass.

Love and pain and helpless worry

Swell in my heavyish heart.

Feel so selfish to want for peace

Over what should be matter-of-fact sacrifice.

Isn’t this motherhood, after all?

Where is my willing patience

And brimming bowl of sage advice?

Instead, I am full of prickliness and

Clumsiness and

Overpowering waves of inadequacy.

Terrible to fixate on my own feelings.

What about hers?

She is the stuck one, after all.


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